Tuesday was plain awful. I think we can all agree on that. In light of the hellfire that is the election results, I’ve found myself really craving community and companionship. I live with Kowalski (my beloved asshole cat) but no other humans, and that can get lonely. Over the year and a half I’ve lived in this area, I’ve gotten really involved in my UU church, my church choir, and swing dancing. I do a lot of group activities that are good for my extroverted heart, but I don’t spend much one on one time with friends.
So I decided to change that. There’s a woman in my church & choir who I think is just the bee’s knees. She’s the mom to two friends of mine who just left for college, but I didn’t ever spend time at their house so she isn’t relegated to “my friends’ mom” in my head. Yesterday, I texted her to ask her to lunch tomorrow.
I’ve never been so nervous.
But! In a miracle of miracles, she said yes! She even invited me to her house instead of going out. I’m really excited but it’s scary, too. I have a hard time trusting that people want to be my friend, or that I have anything to offer as a friend. I’m almost in tears just thinking about it because I am so nervous.
Part of that is the anxiety of turning a situational friendship (i.e., a friend I see at church and choir) into a more general friendship. And part of it is that I’m not really used to intergenerational friendships. I’ve been friends with professors but that was still within the context of school. I feel like a kid, like an eager student trying to be the teacher’s pet. It’s hard to figure out how to come to this on equal footing. I feel like a kid, but I don’t want her to see me as a kid. You know?
Regardless, I’m plunging in headfirst tomorrow at noon. Wish me luck ❤
today’s song: i don’t need anything but you // annie (1999) soundtrack